Florida governor Ron DeSantis just completed his foreign junket designed to give his not quite presidential campaign a smidgen of statesmanship. However it seems that he and his campaign have only acquired serious jet lag. Reviews of his appearances in the UK have been brutal. Asked for his thoughts on this, Florida man Billy Bob Johnson of Tampa said that he didn’t even know DeSantis was overseas. Billy Bob said, What's he doing over there? And who's paying for this? Did Disney chase him off? Also, I can't afford my property insurance let alone a trip to jolly old England. Seems like he should be here in Florida solving problems.
According to the foreign press, comments from the UK businessmen in the crowd addressed by DeSantis indicated that he appeared tired, distracted, and anything but presidential. Asked for his reaction, DeSantis said, What do you expect from a woke country like England? They have healthcare for all their residents, which we would never allow because people should have the freedom to pay for their own health care. In fact I hired a surgeon general who believes as I do that vaccinations are as unnecessary for public health as a shutdown. A few thousand extra floridians died during covid but I'm ok with that in exchange for the freedom to choose sickness and death. Those British people also have a history of going to drag shows which my legislature is trying to outlaw. Also, the gun ownership record in the UK is terrible. In Florida, I've changed the law so anyone has the freedom to carry a concealed weapon with no training at all. What can go wrong?
When it was pointed out that there was some snickering as he left the podium, he said You know what, now I'm thinking that I will ban all books on British history just as I've banned many books on woke American history in my state.
Blathering on, the governor then complained that he was not even offered a ticket to the coronation of King Charles. I don't understand it, said the governor, I was going to give him tickets to my coronation.
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